Sillies and Giggles. That is the perfect description of my little Kilah. As reality of her diagnoses took hold, my heart was heavy. Having no disability myself, this was a whole new world to me. I spent a few days grieving this news. I did a lot of praying and searching God for answers. I reminded myself that this will be all she will ever know and will be the normal for her. I also thought about how I danced starting at age 3 until I was in my 20's. I always hoped my own daughter would have the same love for dance. Now I wondered if she would even be able to try dance? I wrestled with all of these thoughts and more while she, Kilah, reminded me everyday what life was really about. She was so full of sillies and giggles all the time that I had no choice but to laugh and join in the fun. I was falling in love with this little being more and more everyday and continue to still.
After the grief passed I began to have a new reality. The truth. The truth was that my daughter was completely healthy and wonderful and has a minor issue that can be corrected with surgery. There are so many who have lost children for any number of reasons. My new reality is to walk in my blessings and be thankful. The process to get my heart to this place only took a few days. I'm so thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness. He is always faithful to give me the wisdom I need for any situation that I face. We never know what life is going to throw at us but it's so great to have my Father God to cling to in every situation and the Holy Spirit's constant guidance.
I had one moment of pure joy and reassurance after reading this scripture:
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Wow! Some scholars believe that the "thorn in my flesh" that Paul refers to here is possibly ongoing eye infections. Paul was dealing with health issues and prayed that God would take them away, God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I love this promise from the Lord. I know Kilah is going to be a beautiful, strong, confident woman of God one day because of this promise.
- Thanks for reading. I'm slowing posting our whole story. My next post will be about our trip to see Dr. Paley.